So much has changed since my Dad left us September 12, 2011. So much feels the same. I thought maybe it wouldn't hurt so much, and yes on most days I am right. But then some days it hits me like a ton of bricks.
So many changes. I still work at eBay, but so does Jared now. Maxine is 7 and in 2nd grade. Jaxon is really talking now and almost potty trained. We have our first home. A wonderful townhome that we were able to get due to dad's inheritance he left us.
Last week we finished getting our stuff out of the house. It was hard. I think we were putting it off because we didn't really want to let it go. Seeing my dad's head pop out from the stair banister saying "Where's the papa?" or sitting in his special "Anti gravity chair" in the back yard, which he made me sit in especially when I was pregnant. Christmas Eve, sitting at the table with Maxine, showing her where Santa was on his laptop. His garden.....*sigh*
I decided to write this when I found a post I had started to write last year about Dad's stay in hospice, his last weeks. I feel like I just need to talk this out, to let it out. His last day I wrote in facebook and I want to put here as well. But not today.
I was listening to Taylor Swifts new song "Ronan" on Tuesday, bawling like a child. The lyrics reminded me too much of Dad. How I was in his closet talking to him. I have a basket of his shirts that I plan to make blankets out of someday. I just can't bring myself to do it yet.
There's so much I want to say to him. I want to show him my house, he would love it! I want him to chase Jaxon around in the backyard! I want Jared and him to talk football, even see a game someday. I want Maxine to show him how she can read. I want to even just rub his feet again.
I feel silly, silently crying as I write this. I know Dad wouldn't want me to be sad but I am. But I am a bit happy too. My last 3 years with Dad were wonderful, and I don't think we would have had Jaxon if we hadn't been living at Dad's house.
I hope the house sells quickly. I am ready to move on, but not forget...
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
3 weeks later.... The hospice
Never has time gone so fast and slow at the same time. Part of me thinks wow its been 3 weeks already? The other part think, no way its only been 3 weeks it feels like 3 years!
As many of you know my Dad lost his Battle against Cancer on September 12th, 2011. On Facebook I posted his last moments, but I wanted to talk more about what lead to the end, and everything since.
The last blog I made was about his surgery to remove the golf-ball sized tumor. the surgery went great, and the radiation after wards was going fine. He was moving around, talking laughing. The First weekend of July we took him and the kids to Cowabunga Water Park, and had a great time splashing in the water, watching Maxine go down the slides, and sharing fry's while talking in the shade. It was wonderful.
The next weekend Dad moved his stuff back home. He had been living with his Mother (My Grandmother Donna), so she could take him to the radiation and other appointments since Jared and I had work, but had been coming home most weekends. but now he was done. So on July 9th we moved what little belongings he had back home, and he was excited for his MRI scheduled on July 13th.
I have so many regrets about this weekend. I should have done more with him. We had a lazy weekend, Dad and I took the kids to Walmart and bought a few things, talked about getting a fan in the living room but other then that we didn't do anything. He cleaned up papers of his, I had a lazy day with the kids, Jared was hanging out with a friend. We didn't know...who could know...that it would be his last day with a full mind, being able to talk and such.
On July 10th, after a big breakfast made by Jared Dad was tired, he feel asleep on the couch, which really wasn't like him. He seemed slower. Halfway through the day, he said something to Jared he couldn't understand, so Jared asked me to go check on him while he called Grandmother. I sat with him in his room, and we talked a little, I wasn't understanding much either. But he just seemed tired. Grandmother talked to me on the phone and had me give him some medicine. I noticed he hadn't eaten much so tried to get him to eat some bread.
Maxine came up. "Give your papa a potion" he said holding his arms out for a hug. That's when it clicked for me. He wasn't saying his words right. He meant hug, but said potion. That wasn't normal. Grandmother decided to take him to the Huntsman center and she came to pick him up.
On Monday I went to work, but couldn't concentrate. I left early to go visit him at the University. Grandmother had been with him the whole day and we chatted but at 5om she left and I decided to stay since they were moving to the hospital and help with the move, and would call Grandmother with the new room number.
Dad could talk a little still, but sometimes it was hard to understand. He mostly slept until time to move. He did great until we got all settled. He needed to leave. He had to go somewhere for work he said. Dad was still strong, he hadn't lost any of the muscle he would lose later. I had to hold him down, as he said "Heather please" and looked at me with eyes that still haunt me. They ended up restraining him and giving him Valium and other drugs. I finally left at midnight when he fell asleep.
I came back the next day and spent the rest of the week with him, trading shifts with my Grandmother. It was Wednesday when both of us were in his room when the doctor came in, a young woman (well about my age but when I think Doctors I usually think older then me). She had another person with us when she told us. My Dad was having seizures in the motor function part of his brain, specifically the speech. They had given him the max amount of medicine they could and it had made no change what so ever, if anything he was doing worse. We had noticed him talking less and sleeping more and every night the restraints had to be put back on him.
"At this time we need to be looking at making him as comfortable as possible and looking into hospice options."
I had been texting Jared while this was going on and told him to leave work. Grandmother and I cried as we talked about what Dad would have wanted. We knew he would not want to be kept alive like he was now, restrained, unable to speak, living in what I could only call his own personal hell.
Jared came in time as we spoke to someone about what to do for Dad now, when to release him where to release him to, all that sort of stuff. Before she came in Jared told me about the trouble his work gave him leaving. They already had been upset when he took 3 days off when Dad had his accident. When he told them he had to leave that he had to take care of things with his Father in Law dying, and his wife needing him. The boss responded with "Doesn't she have sisters to take care of that? Why do you need to go?"
Jared is and will ever by loyal and faithful to his family. We come first. This is just one of the many reasons I am honored to be married to him. He told his boss he had to to be there and would.
We talked with the woman from the U and found a good Hospice Care covered by Dads insurance. Rocky Mountain Hospice. They would try to find a location close to us (since both Grandmother and I live on the south end of the valley). We planned to re-meet on Friday once the case worker received more information form the insurance, and we would go from there.
I went home with Jared, drained. Grandmother decided to stay longer, but we had to pick up the kids. As Grandmother stayed, Dad's doctor from Huntsman came by. The first woman doctor was neurology, and he is a brain cancer specialist, which apparently are 2 different fields. Grandmother told him about the bleak future and he had a completely different opinion. I don't know how to feel about this now. At the time part of me knew, and I was frustrated he was filling us with false hope. Jared believed it though, and so did Grandmother.
So the next day we talked again to the doctors and the case worker. We decided to give it until Friday, because the brain cancer doctor thinks it is residual swelling from either the car wreck or the surgery. The other doctor is quite the whole time, almost sheepish.
That afternoon I went to see my sisters. It was time to tell them. I had held off after what Grandmother heard from the one doctors but it wasn't fair to keep them in the dark. I was hoping I guess to get good news, so I could spare them from the pain I felt when I heard. We were all sober as I explained everything, trying to stay calm, indifferent, to not show any emotion almost so they could see I was a rock, that they could be too. It seems silly now. We are all adults not kids. Still I think I handled it ok.
Thursday. Jared boss says he can't go to the meeting. This is to find out if my dad will live or die and they say he can't go. Jared blows. He says he wont let them make him choose between family and work. He calms and apologizes the next day and the one boss seems to make it ok, that it will be fine. He works half a day on Friday before our 1pm appointment.
Aunt Susan is in town for this appointment. She is Dads Power of Attorney, and so they asked her to be there. The news isn't good. He hasn't gotten any better, no change. I personally think he's almost worse. The plan is to move him to a care facility on Sunday. Crosslands, on 11000south and 700 east. I used to walk by it everyday on my way to crescent in 7th grade.
Sunday is a nightmare. the place is horrible. His room is ready so hes sharing with the meanest old man in the world. The ambulance driver left him alone so dad fell and broke his glasses. I hate it. I hate it so much I cant stand. But what else can we do? Jared and I work and Grandmother cant lift him (he has to. be lifted out of bed and cared for 24/7 now). For a while Sunday night I am alone with Dad. Jared has the kids and Grandmother and Aunt Susan went to dinner. I dry, even though I am trying hard not to. Dad wants to leave, he has to go he says, the old man is yelling at him to shut up, my dad has obviously wet himself and the call nurse button does nothing. It takes 30 minutes to get someone. As I leave part of me hopes he passes soon so he never knows where he is. This is July 17th.
Monday comes and first thing Jared is called into the bosses office. For leaving early on Friday, he is fired. I would like to take this time to wish nothing but ill and loathing on his boss Kevin. May he rot for putting the extra stress on me and my family during its already dark hour.
Jared steps up though. He visits dad everyday, helps grandmother take care of him, and I visit anytime I can and help as well. After I want to say 2 weeks, there are very good days and bad ones. Somedays hes almost fine! another he tried to throw the wheelchair at Jared saying he knows Jared put him in rehab for drinking. The hospice people who come to help dad and visit him are great but the place is not. After a uti and having to go to the hospital, we make the decision to bring dad home and let Jared do his end of life care.
Hospice comes everyday, so does grandmother. I spend all the time I can with Dad. Maxine doesn't understand but will visit. Jaxon wont go by Dad, like he's afraid. Maxine knows PaPa is dying. We told her one night. She cried and cried. But shes such a trooper. She took a stone she made and put it by "Maxine's Maple" the tree dad planted for her and says she wants to plant a tree for Dad. She doesn't cry again. Even when Dad passed. In fact she was my rock when it happened, telling me that PaPa is always with me, in my heart and imagination.
Taking care of Dad becomes too much. Our house is full of stairs, dad is a fall risk and he keeps getting up to leave. Jared stops sleeping because Dad is getting up in the middle of the night. The hospice people decide that maybe we should try respice. Its a break and will allow them to try to get Dads medication right.
I think I should stop for now. I can write more later and just doing this has taken a lot out of me and drudged up a lot of emotion.....
I want to finish though. I know this is helping me, healing me, and I want people to know about my Dad's last months, and then maybe someday I can share this with my children, and hope they know what a light they were to his life and are to mine.
As many of you know my Dad lost his Battle against Cancer on September 12th, 2011. On Facebook I posted his last moments, but I wanted to talk more about what lead to the end, and everything since.
The last blog I made was about his surgery to remove the golf-ball sized tumor. the surgery went great, and the radiation after wards was going fine. He was moving around, talking laughing. The First weekend of July we took him and the kids to Cowabunga Water Park, and had a great time splashing in the water, watching Maxine go down the slides, and sharing fry's while talking in the shade. It was wonderful.
The next weekend Dad moved his stuff back home. He had been living with his Mother (My Grandmother Donna), so she could take him to the radiation and other appointments since Jared and I had work, but had been coming home most weekends. but now he was done. So on July 9th we moved what little belongings he had back home, and he was excited for his MRI scheduled on July 13th.
I have so many regrets about this weekend. I should have done more with him. We had a lazy weekend, Dad and I took the kids to Walmart and bought a few things, talked about getting a fan in the living room but other then that we didn't do anything. He cleaned up papers of his, I had a lazy day with the kids, Jared was hanging out with a friend. We didn't know...who could know...that it would be his last day with a full mind, being able to talk and such.
On July 10th, after a big breakfast made by Jared Dad was tired, he feel asleep on the couch, which really wasn't like him. He seemed slower. Halfway through the day, he said something to Jared he couldn't understand, so Jared asked me to go check on him while he called Grandmother. I sat with him in his room, and we talked a little, I wasn't understanding much either. But he just seemed tired. Grandmother talked to me on the phone and had me give him some medicine. I noticed he hadn't eaten much so tried to get him to eat some bread.
Maxine came up. "Give your papa a potion" he said holding his arms out for a hug. That's when it clicked for me. He wasn't saying his words right. He meant hug, but said potion. That wasn't normal. Grandmother decided to take him to the Huntsman center and she came to pick him up.
On Monday I went to work, but couldn't concentrate. I left early to go visit him at the University. Grandmother had been with him the whole day and we chatted but at 5om she left and I decided to stay since they were moving to the hospital and help with the move, and would call Grandmother with the new room number.
Dad could talk a little still, but sometimes it was hard to understand. He mostly slept until time to move. He did great until we got all settled. He needed to leave. He had to go somewhere for work he said. Dad was still strong, he hadn't lost any of the muscle he would lose later. I had to hold him down, as he said "Heather please" and looked at me with eyes that still haunt me. They ended up restraining him and giving him Valium and other drugs. I finally left at midnight when he fell asleep.
I came back the next day and spent the rest of the week with him, trading shifts with my Grandmother. It was Wednesday when both of us were in his room when the doctor came in, a young woman (well about my age but when I think Doctors I usually think older then me). She had another person with us when she told us. My Dad was having seizures in the motor function part of his brain, specifically the speech. They had given him the max amount of medicine they could and it had made no change what so ever, if anything he was doing worse. We had noticed him talking less and sleeping more and every night the restraints had to be put back on him.
"At this time we need to be looking at making him as comfortable as possible and looking into hospice options."
I had been texting Jared while this was going on and told him to leave work. Grandmother and I cried as we talked about what Dad would have wanted. We knew he would not want to be kept alive like he was now, restrained, unable to speak, living in what I could only call his own personal hell.
Jared came in time as we spoke to someone about what to do for Dad now, when to release him where to release him to, all that sort of stuff. Before she came in Jared told me about the trouble his work gave him leaving. They already had been upset when he took 3 days off when Dad had his accident. When he told them he had to leave that he had to take care of things with his Father in Law dying, and his wife needing him. The boss responded with "Doesn't she have sisters to take care of that? Why do you need to go?"
Jared is and will ever by loyal and faithful to his family. We come first. This is just one of the many reasons I am honored to be married to him. He told his boss he had to to be there and would.
We talked with the woman from the U and found a good Hospice Care covered by Dads insurance. Rocky Mountain Hospice. They would try to find a location close to us (since both Grandmother and I live on the south end of the valley). We planned to re-meet on Friday once the case worker received more information form the insurance, and we would go from there.
I went home with Jared, drained. Grandmother decided to stay longer, but we had to pick up the kids. As Grandmother stayed, Dad's doctor from Huntsman came by. The first woman doctor was neurology, and he is a brain cancer specialist, which apparently are 2 different fields. Grandmother told him about the bleak future and he had a completely different opinion. I don't know how to feel about this now. At the time part of me knew, and I was frustrated he was filling us with false hope. Jared believed it though, and so did Grandmother.
So the next day we talked again to the doctors and the case worker. We decided to give it until Friday, because the brain cancer doctor thinks it is residual swelling from either the car wreck or the surgery. The other doctor is quite the whole time, almost sheepish.
That afternoon I went to see my sisters. It was time to tell them. I had held off after what Grandmother heard from the one doctors but it wasn't fair to keep them in the dark. I was hoping I guess to get good news, so I could spare them from the pain I felt when I heard. We were all sober as I explained everything, trying to stay calm, indifferent, to not show any emotion almost so they could see I was a rock, that they could be too. It seems silly now. We are all adults not kids. Still I think I handled it ok.
Thursday. Jared boss says he can't go to the meeting. This is to find out if my dad will live or die and they say he can't go. Jared blows. He says he wont let them make him choose between family and work. He calms and apologizes the next day and the one boss seems to make it ok, that it will be fine. He works half a day on Friday before our 1pm appointment.
Aunt Susan is in town for this appointment. She is Dads Power of Attorney, and so they asked her to be there. The news isn't good. He hasn't gotten any better, no change. I personally think he's almost worse. The plan is to move him to a care facility on Sunday. Crosslands, on 11000south and 700 east. I used to walk by it everyday on my way to crescent in 7th grade.
Sunday is a nightmare. the place is horrible. His room is ready so hes sharing with the meanest old man in the world. The ambulance driver left him alone so dad fell and broke his glasses. I hate it. I hate it so much I cant stand. But what else can we do? Jared and I work and Grandmother cant lift him (he has to. be lifted out of bed and cared for 24/7 now). For a while Sunday night I am alone with Dad. Jared has the kids and Grandmother and Aunt Susan went to dinner. I dry, even though I am trying hard not to. Dad wants to leave, he has to go he says, the old man is yelling at him to shut up, my dad has obviously wet himself and the call nurse button does nothing. It takes 30 minutes to get someone. As I leave part of me hopes he passes soon so he never knows where he is. This is July 17th.
Monday comes and first thing Jared is called into the bosses office. For leaving early on Friday, he is fired. I would like to take this time to wish nothing but ill and loathing on his boss Kevin. May he rot for putting the extra stress on me and my family during its already dark hour.
Jared steps up though. He visits dad everyday, helps grandmother take care of him, and I visit anytime I can and help as well. After I want to say 2 weeks, there are very good days and bad ones. Somedays hes almost fine! another he tried to throw the wheelchair at Jared saying he knows Jared put him in rehab for drinking. The hospice people who come to help dad and visit him are great but the place is not. After a uti and having to go to the hospital, we make the decision to bring dad home and let Jared do his end of life care.
Hospice comes everyday, so does grandmother. I spend all the time I can with Dad. Maxine doesn't understand but will visit. Jaxon wont go by Dad, like he's afraid. Maxine knows PaPa is dying. We told her one night. She cried and cried. But shes such a trooper. She took a stone she made and put it by "Maxine's Maple" the tree dad planted for her and says she wants to plant a tree for Dad. She doesn't cry again. Even when Dad passed. In fact she was my rock when it happened, telling me that PaPa is always with me, in my heart and imagination.
Taking care of Dad becomes too much. Our house is full of stairs, dad is a fall risk and he keeps getting up to leave. Jared stops sleeping because Dad is getting up in the middle of the night. The hospice people decide that maybe we should try respice. Its a break and will allow them to try to get Dads medication right.
I think I should stop for now. I can write more later and just doing this has taken a lot out of me and drudged up a lot of emotion.....
I want to finish though. I know this is helping me, healing me, and I want people to know about my Dad's last months, and then maybe someday I can share this with my children, and hope they know what a light they were to his life and are to mine.
Monday, April 18, 2011
The specialist
So today we saw a specialist at the University of Utah Neurosurgery center.
Here is some more information.
A lot of what is down here is guess work as nothing will be 100% for sure until they do the biopsy but these are good doctors who know their stuff.
The tumor is the size of a golf ball. It's probably only been there a few months, and he thinks it started in the brain, and did not come from anywhere else (good sign). Chances are it is Glioma, and they will be removing the tumor, and then looking at other treatments, since chances are there will be residual left behind.
Surgery will be on Thursday, but today there were able to take out the staples from his arm, leg and head. Dad still has to where the brace but they gave him a new one for bed since he hasn't been sleeping very well with the hard ridged one.
Dad looked better today, especially after his nap. Jared and I went to the doctor with him and left the kids at Daycare (Maxine is the only one who goes just 3 days a week but bless them so much they said they would watch Jaxon too so I could go to the appointment. Wouldn't even taken any money for it. If anyone needs a Daycare in Draper, Here We Grow, is the best by far and treat my kids like family. They are so caring and wonderful, adn the owner JoJo, is by far the best ever...)
Later this afternoon we came back to Grandmothers with the kids to give Dad his glasses (we ordered ones in Grand Junction but they came after we left so the owner mailed them to us by priority). Dad loved being able to see again, and loved seeing the kids. Maxine had lost another tooth last night (her 4th one the 3rd she lost the first night we left last week at Nana and PaPa DeMills) and was excited to tell Da Papa about the new movie she saw today because she heard it was his favorite too (The sandlot - she was scared of the dog though :P).
It was great. Dad is walking better, talking better and we even played a game of memory with Maxine. It was just how it was supposed to be.
I only pray it can continue. The surgery is scary for me. They say the tumor is not by any of his motor skills brain tissue (that was my doctor speech...needs work), but he will be in the hospital for a few days after and we still wont know everything until then.
I go back to work tomorrow. I feel nervous but glad to have the change of scene, to throw myself into something so fully, and try to forget. I know I am in the denial stage right now. I don;t want to believe anything will change, only that the surgery will be a miracle and everything will go back to what it was, only better because maybe Dad can stay home for a while, maybe even get transfer ed back here.
Again I appreciate all of the kind words and continued prayers. It means the world to my family.
Here is some more information.
A lot of what is down here is guess work as nothing will be 100% for sure until they do the biopsy but these are good doctors who know their stuff.
The tumor is the size of a golf ball. It's probably only been there a few months, and he thinks it started in the brain, and did not come from anywhere else (good sign). Chances are it is Glioma, and they will be removing the tumor, and then looking at other treatments, since chances are there will be residual left behind.
Surgery will be on Thursday, but today there were able to take out the staples from his arm, leg and head. Dad still has to where the brace but they gave him a new one for bed since he hasn't been sleeping very well with the hard ridged one.
Dad looked better today, especially after his nap. Jared and I went to the doctor with him and left the kids at Daycare (Maxine is the only one who goes just 3 days a week but bless them so much they said they would watch Jaxon too so I could go to the appointment. Wouldn't even taken any money for it. If anyone needs a Daycare in Draper, Here We Grow, is the best by far and treat my kids like family. They are so caring and wonderful, adn the owner JoJo, is by far the best ever...)
Later this afternoon we came back to Grandmothers with the kids to give Dad his glasses (we ordered ones in Grand Junction but they came after we left so the owner mailed them to us by priority). Dad loved being able to see again, and loved seeing the kids. Maxine had lost another tooth last night (her 4th one the 3rd she lost the first night we left last week at Nana and PaPa DeMills) and was excited to tell Da Papa about the new movie she saw today because she heard it was his favorite too (The sandlot - she was scared of the dog though :P).
It was great. Dad is walking better, talking better and we even played a game of memory with Maxine. It was just how it was supposed to be.
I only pray it can continue. The surgery is scary for me. They say the tumor is not by any of his motor skills brain tissue (that was my doctor speech...needs work), but he will be in the hospital for a few days after and we still wont know everything until then.
I go back to work tomorrow. I feel nervous but glad to have the change of scene, to throw myself into something so fully, and try to forget. I know I am in the denial stage right now. I don;t want to believe anything will change, only that the surgery will be a miracle and everything will go back to what it was, only better because maybe Dad can stay home for a while, maybe even get transfer ed back here.
Again I appreciate all of the kind words and continued prayers. It means the world to my family.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
My dad - The whole story
It's been a hard week. Its funny in some aspects. I came home from Florida feeling fantastic. It was the getaway I needed and I had a fantastic time. In fact, I was loading pictures form the trip to my computer when Jared called me.
"Your dad's been in a car accident."
"What?"
"Your Grandmother just called me, I am coming home to get you then Grandmother and we are going to Colorado. Get stuff for us and the kids ready."
"Ok" was all I could respond. I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. I had tried to call my dad yesterday around 2, but just got voicemail. I hadn't spoken to him since the trip, our last words probably something about have a good time. He had come home early to help Jared with the kids while I was gone, and mostly keep them company. My computer was still processing the download, so I grabbed Jaxon off the bed, where I was about to put him to sleep.
My mind reeled. The van. It was a mess. In everything all I could think about at that moment was the dirty car, and how ashamed it would make me feel to have my Grandmother in it. I needed a focus and I found one.
I asked Mr. Lambert across the way to watch Jaxon while I cleaned. I tried to think of who I needed to call. I tried Tiffany but she had left her phone at home while she dropped of Joesf at school. So I called Adam and let him know, telling him to have her call me immediately. I tried my mom. No answer, Jenny, and talked a while. She had talked to Grandmother already so she knew but not much more then me.
Jared called me. He had been able to talk to Dad and found out some "Information". You'll notice the quotations because Dad was fairly drugged up and the facts come later in the story. He was in a 3 car pile up, Happened yesterday around 2, and was life lighted to the hospital. My dad was angry at Jared when he told him we were coming, but Jared held his ground.
Jared also told me he had spoken to his mother and she was willing to watch the kids. A huge blessing, since the car ride itself was 4 hours and taking kids to a hospital is never fun.
So I packed the kids bag and semi readied myself. I hadn't even unpacked from Florida yet so I just took out some clothes to make room for Jared.
Fast forward to about 5 hours later. We are at Saint Mary's in Grand Junction. Grandmother insisted on bringing her own car and we head up to see him. I hadn't cried a single tear yet but did when I saw him. Neck brace, busted up face, stitches in 3 places I can see (3 total) a sling around one arm, plenty of iv's and he's sleeping peacefully. God. Again, I well up right now thinking of it.
"Hi honey," he says to me when he wakes to see us. "Hi dad," I say as I get closer to him, trying to keep my voice steady. He talks about the crash, how he can't remember, how He is supposed to be dead, that they brought him back to life, that they shouldn't have, that he was upside down for hours before they found him. I swallow back more tears, grateful that the worst is over. But none of that is the truth, not my Dad's story and not that the worst is over. It's only begun.
The real truth? It was around 2pm and Dad was driving from Dove's Creek back to his place in Grand Junction. Someone was behind him, when his car veered (probably on cruise control), past the barrier, barb wire fence, and up in the air over a ravine. They immediately called the police. He was life lighted, but the nurse said he was stable the whole time. The tow truck company however was told he was dead.
No one will ever know why for 100% sure what happened, but after a CAT scan and an MRI there is a good idea. The doctors think my dad had a seizure....caused by a malignant brain tumor that started bleeding. A brain tumor...cancerous....and I saw the MRI...I saw the size...its...its big. There are other parts which show maybe even signs of a stroke? I dont remember much I started fazing after that.
My Grammy...My real fathers mom, died from Brain Cancer in I want to say 2003 off the top of my head. That the only time I have heard of a person I know having it. My dad works out, doesn't smoke, eats healthy....why him????
The worst is the relationship with my dad. Some of you might know, it was hard in High School. He adopted my sisters and me, and we didn't see eye to eye. Part of me considers my high school years my hell years, not for school but home. When I finished High School I left and never came back, not ever fully.
Until Jared. When we became engaged, we sat down with my Dad, and Jared laid it down, that I was his family now, and why he had never seen or heard anything, he would protect me with his life from anything that hurt me. I also told him at that time I would be walking myself down the aisle. I had felt it was a privilege he had lost. I would accept no funds for the wedding either, I was doing it myself, he was welcome to come though, and he did.
Than something happened that changed everyone even more. My miracle Maxine. It's funny, because I was told I would have trouble getting pregnant, but low and behold 9 months after my wedding, she came into our world, and changed everyone. She is what helped healed my dad and my relationship. I saw him with her, so gentle and patient. He was a dotting Grandfather who loved her with his whole heart. He was her "Da Papa".
Circumstances happened. Jared and I put earnest money towards a house being built in Eagle Mountain. To help us save money, Dad allowed us to move in with him while the home was being built, and to pay a reasonable rent which let us put more money into bills to pay off. I was nervous. Sure things were great in the span of a couple hours but living with him? Could I really handle it? But to help come up with the money needed it was the only solution, and I knew Jared's promise from 4 years ago was the same, and with him I could go through anything.
But there was nothing to go through. It was great. Dinner's together, playing in the backyard, and just sitting in the backyard, drinking wine coolers (me) and beer (dad) talking. Life was good. So when the housing market crashed, and we lost our loan for the house, Dad urged us to stay with him, that he was loving spending time with us and his granddaughter. Plus it meant that we could save money for the other thing we wanted in our life. Another child.
So we stayed, and a while later Dad was transferred to Colorado. He still kept his room and tried to come home every weekend and holidays. He was the first person, other then Jared to know after 2 long years of trying, we were finally pregnant with Jaxon. Dad was in the room when Jaxon was born. Jaxon Thomas DeMill, partly named after Michael Thomas Noll.
The point of all this back story is I had it. The relationship I had always wanted, the dad I had always dreamed about, was now a reality. We have become closer in the past 3 years then I thought was possible. And now...I feel like it's being taken away. I am scared of all the what ifs, but more frightened to look them up. The doctors allowed him to come back to SLC, and see a specialist at the Huntsman center for surgery as soon as possible. Part of the reason his right eye he cant see out of is not the accident. It's the tumor pushing at his eye.
Life will never be the same now. No matter what. I am fairly certain that Dad can't go back to his job again...and...there's even more stuff that I know, due to Jared that makes things worse, and I am so scared.
I never realized how much of a child I was until now. Oh sure I am almost 30, have 2 kids, a wonderful husband a great job, but I'm not prepared. My dad will need care, for short term if not long term. Right now he is at my Grandmothers since she lives in a single story and he can't do stairs.
I have no idea how to help with all the bills. Sure I have had a rental but never owned a home, there's the Power of Attorney that thankfully Aunt Susan has, but we need all the paper work. And Dad...he's unhappy, mad, so confused, all the things that go with what he's going through.
And now due to my strep which please dear God let me now have already given to him, I couldn't see him today, and apparently last night was bad (he hates his neck brace but if he doesn't keep it one he could make his spine injury worse, to the point of parilization or even death).
I dont know what to do. I know we will find out more tomorrow at his appointment, and again I am scared. My work has been great but I should go back tomorrow, again it depends on what news we get from the specialist.
So thats the whole long story. Please pray for my family. I myself have been praying more then ever before, even went out and bought a bible, since I honestly hadn't opened one for years (which is a whole other story). I dont know whats going to happen to my family, but if you ask Maxine, we have been a family of 5 for a while, and I dont want that to change.....
"Your dad's been in a car accident."
"What?"
"Your Grandmother just called me, I am coming home to get you then Grandmother and we are going to Colorado. Get stuff for us and the kids ready."
"Ok" was all I could respond. I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. I had tried to call my dad yesterday around 2, but just got voicemail. I hadn't spoken to him since the trip, our last words probably something about have a good time. He had come home early to help Jared with the kids while I was gone, and mostly keep them company. My computer was still processing the download, so I grabbed Jaxon off the bed, where I was about to put him to sleep.
My mind reeled. The van. It was a mess. In everything all I could think about at that moment was the dirty car, and how ashamed it would make me feel to have my Grandmother in it. I needed a focus and I found one.
I asked Mr. Lambert across the way to watch Jaxon while I cleaned. I tried to think of who I needed to call. I tried Tiffany but she had left her phone at home while she dropped of Joesf at school. So I called Adam and let him know, telling him to have her call me immediately. I tried my mom. No answer, Jenny, and talked a while. She had talked to Grandmother already so she knew but not much more then me.
Jared called me. He had been able to talk to Dad and found out some "Information". You'll notice the quotations because Dad was fairly drugged up and the facts come later in the story. He was in a 3 car pile up, Happened yesterday around 2, and was life lighted to the hospital. My dad was angry at Jared when he told him we were coming, but Jared held his ground.
Jared also told me he had spoken to his mother and she was willing to watch the kids. A huge blessing, since the car ride itself was 4 hours and taking kids to a hospital is never fun.
So I packed the kids bag and semi readied myself. I hadn't even unpacked from Florida yet so I just took out some clothes to make room for Jared.
Fast forward to about 5 hours later. We are at Saint Mary's in Grand Junction. Grandmother insisted on bringing her own car and we head up to see him. I hadn't cried a single tear yet but did when I saw him. Neck brace, busted up face, stitches in 3 places I can see (3 total) a sling around one arm, plenty of iv's and he's sleeping peacefully. God. Again, I well up right now thinking of it.
"Hi honey," he says to me when he wakes to see us. "Hi dad," I say as I get closer to him, trying to keep my voice steady. He talks about the crash, how he can't remember, how He is supposed to be dead, that they brought him back to life, that they shouldn't have, that he was upside down for hours before they found him. I swallow back more tears, grateful that the worst is over. But none of that is the truth, not my Dad's story and not that the worst is over. It's only begun.
The real truth? It was around 2pm and Dad was driving from Dove's Creek back to his place in Grand Junction. Someone was behind him, when his car veered (probably on cruise control), past the barrier, barb wire fence, and up in the air over a ravine. They immediately called the police. He was life lighted, but the nurse said he was stable the whole time. The tow truck company however was told he was dead.
No one will ever know why for 100% sure what happened, but after a CAT scan and an MRI there is a good idea. The doctors think my dad had a seizure....caused by a malignant brain tumor that started bleeding. A brain tumor...cancerous....and I saw the MRI...I saw the size...its...its big. There are other parts which show maybe even signs of a stroke? I dont remember much I started fazing after that.
My Grammy...My real fathers mom, died from Brain Cancer in I want to say 2003 off the top of my head. That the only time I have heard of a person I know having it. My dad works out, doesn't smoke, eats healthy....why him????
The worst is the relationship with my dad. Some of you might know, it was hard in High School. He adopted my sisters and me, and we didn't see eye to eye. Part of me considers my high school years my hell years, not for school but home. When I finished High School I left and never came back, not ever fully.
Until Jared. When we became engaged, we sat down with my Dad, and Jared laid it down, that I was his family now, and why he had never seen or heard anything, he would protect me with his life from anything that hurt me. I also told him at that time I would be walking myself down the aisle. I had felt it was a privilege he had lost. I would accept no funds for the wedding either, I was doing it myself, he was welcome to come though, and he did.
Than something happened that changed everyone even more. My miracle Maxine. It's funny, because I was told I would have trouble getting pregnant, but low and behold 9 months after my wedding, she came into our world, and changed everyone. She is what helped healed my dad and my relationship. I saw him with her, so gentle and patient. He was a dotting Grandfather who loved her with his whole heart. He was her "Da Papa".
Circumstances happened. Jared and I put earnest money towards a house being built in Eagle Mountain. To help us save money, Dad allowed us to move in with him while the home was being built, and to pay a reasonable rent which let us put more money into bills to pay off. I was nervous. Sure things were great in the span of a couple hours but living with him? Could I really handle it? But to help come up with the money needed it was the only solution, and I knew Jared's promise from 4 years ago was the same, and with him I could go through anything.
But there was nothing to go through. It was great. Dinner's together, playing in the backyard, and just sitting in the backyard, drinking wine coolers (me) and beer (dad) talking. Life was good. So when the housing market crashed, and we lost our loan for the house, Dad urged us to stay with him, that he was loving spending time with us and his granddaughter. Plus it meant that we could save money for the other thing we wanted in our life. Another child.
So we stayed, and a while later Dad was transferred to Colorado. He still kept his room and tried to come home every weekend and holidays. He was the first person, other then Jared to know after 2 long years of trying, we were finally pregnant with Jaxon. Dad was in the room when Jaxon was born. Jaxon Thomas DeMill, partly named after Michael Thomas Noll.
The point of all this back story is I had it. The relationship I had always wanted, the dad I had always dreamed about, was now a reality. We have become closer in the past 3 years then I thought was possible. And now...I feel like it's being taken away. I am scared of all the what ifs, but more frightened to look them up. The doctors allowed him to come back to SLC, and see a specialist at the Huntsman center for surgery as soon as possible. Part of the reason his right eye he cant see out of is not the accident. It's the tumor pushing at his eye.
Life will never be the same now. No matter what. I am fairly certain that Dad can't go back to his job again...and...there's even more stuff that I know, due to Jared that makes things worse, and I am so scared.
I never realized how much of a child I was until now. Oh sure I am almost 30, have 2 kids, a wonderful husband a great job, but I'm not prepared. My dad will need care, for short term if not long term. Right now he is at my Grandmothers since she lives in a single story and he can't do stairs.
I have no idea how to help with all the bills. Sure I have had a rental but never owned a home, there's the Power of Attorney that thankfully Aunt Susan has, but we need all the paper work. And Dad...he's unhappy, mad, so confused, all the things that go with what he's going through.
And now due to my strep which please dear God let me now have already given to him, I couldn't see him today, and apparently last night was bad (he hates his neck brace but if he doesn't keep it one he could make his spine injury worse, to the point of parilization or even death).
I dont know what to do. I know we will find out more tomorrow at his appointment, and again I am scared. My work has been great but I should go back tomorrow, again it depends on what news we get from the specialist.
So thats the whole long story. Please pray for my family. I myself have been praying more then ever before, even went out and bought a bible, since I honestly hadn't opened one for years (which is a whole other story). I dont know whats going to happen to my family, but if you ask Maxine, we have been a family of 5 for a while, and I dont want that to change.....
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